#i am pretty certain that i am not autistic though I do think I have certain traits

[misscrawfords]

Sorry, Mary, I do love you so much but right now I want to celebrate my wonderful autistic musician girl, Francesca Bridgerton. There's even a canon URL I almost snagged but that's a bit much... surely?

Anyway, I now have an icon of her delighted and besotted by the personalised music gift of her ND suitor. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

[thehypnone]

absolution live 2017/2023

here I am with my over 1,5k word autistic ramble about the differences between absolution live from 2017 and 2023. at the end there is an audio file of both versions put together, if anyone would be interested in that. it sound very cool heh

also tags for people who showed interest in this: @forest-rot @ghuleh-recs @counting-eyerolls @ngnt-writes @ghnosis @rain-ghoul-appreciator @sister-rosemary-marie

anyway, under the cut

I will start with an analysis of instruments and players separately, one by one, and then I’ll talk about the whole thing a little bit. Also I’m using only ghoul names in there, but when I’m talking about styles and skills I obviously mean the unmasked folks.

Both in 2017 and 2023 we have Mountain on drums, which gives us a very fun comparison opportunity. In 2017 he goes heavy on the cymbals—according to the original version of the song—but it makes the whole thing a bit too crashy and too clogged. The drums are very widely mixed and set—slightly focused on the left side following the stage layout from then—but I think the cymbals could be a bit quieter in comparison to the actual drums, especially the floor tom. In general we can hear how smaller Mountain’s kit was in 2017. In 2023 the entire drum part is sharper and deeper, more bassy and it’s focused more in the middle. The way it feels to me, in 2017 the drums are the background and in 2023 they are the core. Mountain has better fills in 2023, he obviously got more comfortable just jamming in there and having fun over the years.

Dewdrop on bass in 2017; we can hear (or at least I can) that he is not a bassist. He scrapes his pick on the strings a lot which is connected to him being primarily a guitarist—it’s about the picking hand placement and angle. The bass is pretty quiet and it has overdrive on it. It helps conceal his buzzing a little bit, because it happens a fair amount for Dewdrop. Again—bass is not his main instrument. We can also hear exactly when he slams it, like we know he loves doing. In general sometimes he’s quieter and sometimes he’s louder and it’s mostly caused by his picking; how he angles his hand in certain moments and how much strength he puts into it. At the end he goes absolutely feral. Not surprising.

Rain in 2023 is amazing. He’s very skilled, and it’s a huge shame Ghost doesn’t have any songs that could really allow him to show off. He hit his cue a bit too fast at one point, but it might as well be intentional. He’s so much clearer and cleaner, both due to his skills and the settings. Rain has more drop, he most likely has his bass on a different pickup setup than Dewdrop, plus they used different basses—Rain’s with additional mods. One of those mods is a very heavy bridge—Badass Bass—and I bet we can thank that piece for the sustain and note definition in Rain’s playing. In general it flows more, fits into the whole image better. His changes in volume are controlled, not accidental like it happens for Dewdrop. Rain puts more slides, tiny additions and note changes into his live playing, it makes it a bit more lively to me. He’s put perfectly in the middle, nicely blended with the drums.

Unfortunately there isn’t much I can say about Ifrit, Dewdrop, Aether and Phantom mainly because ���Absolution” isn’t really a guitar focused song and so it isn't the best song to compare guitar skills, either. The most interesting part—guitar wise—is the solo and little fills on the rhythm now and then.

Ifrit is very precise, I couldn’t hear any mistakes from him, but also the lead is surprisingly quiet in general. His palm muting is on spot, pull-offs and hammer-ons both in the chorus and the solo are very clean and he is simply a pro, he’s got super skills and I wish we could’ve gotten more (</3). He makes the whole song as lively as his stage personality, it sounds flowy but packed with emotions and still so precise it hurts.

Dewdrop’s sound is way better, though he and Ifrit are close skill wise. The difference between Hagstrom Fantomen and Fender Stratocaster is a big one, the main aspect that we can hear is the sharpness of the former and more grounded sound of the latter. Those two guitars also have a very different pickup arrangements—Dew’s strat has SSS (3x single-coils) pickups and he uses the bridge one (which is a Seymour Duncan Hot Rail), and the Fantomen’s has HH (two humbuckers that can be slip, but as far as I’m aware no ghoul used that feature), also with the bridge one used more frequently. In “Absolution” Dewdrop doesn’t add very much—as he does to some other songs—so it’s pretty much the same as the original version. There are small differences that inherently come with his style and that is what makes his version differ from both Ifrit’s and the album's, but it’s all very slight. Dew also makes a very good use of his pedals, mainly wah—especially at the end.

Aether is a bit off tempo in some parts. He plays well, mostly clean, but we can pick out some slight mistakes—mostly sounds that aren’t supposed to be there. His palm muting is a bit too light. He goes heavy on the pick which makes his part of the solo a bit sharp (especially that he’s playing the higher harmony) and square-ish. The sharpness is, again, something we can partially blame on the Fantomen. Only partially because both Ifrit and Phantom prove that it’s manageable. 

Phantom is very clean, he adds a lot of slides which is a feature of his personal style. Said style of his is very lively and fun, to me it sounds and feels like a slinky (don’t laugh at me it’s the autism). He’s more fluid both in the solo and the rest of the song than Aether, but makes one—barely noticeable—mistake in the solo where he misses a note.

Also Phantom and Dewdrop in 2023 are more in sync than Aether and Ifrit in 2017. For whatever reason.

Now keyboard; Zephyr goes absolutely ham on the keys, but it is a piano song so that’s not only understandable, but also desirable, I would say. Key’s are in the right ear with slight migration to the middle when it matters, again according to the stage layout. Their precision and speed and overall skill is insane, the ending when they go wild is the most impressive part, because the song itself doesn’t give many opportunities. If you haven’t seen a video of Zephyr playing that ending you gotta do it now because it really is insane (RIP to that Nord Stage 2 though). The synth fill before the solo in 2017 is played back, in 2023 it’s played live by Cirrus.

In 2023 Cirrus plays the main chorus keyboard part, it can be heard easily on the left side (so once again stage layout accordingly). It’s clean and precise, she’s also very skilled, but unfortunately doesn’t really show off at the end like Zephyr does. Cumulus plays some chords before the solo while Cirrus plays the synth fill.

Vocals are not my thing so I’m only going to say what most of us can hear; Terzo is very nasal, but cleaner, and sings a bit higher. Clear pronunciation, good flow. It’s closest to Tobias’ normal singing voice. Copia is even more nasal, more growly and raspy. They’re both, obviously, in the middle in case of mixing.

Backing vocals in 2017 are all play-back for obvious reasons—pretty simple, taken straight off of the album recording. It’s put on the left, but it could be more favorable in the middle. 2023 is way more spectacular thanks to—mainly—the backing vocals. They are 90% Aurora and Cumulus, with lower levels of Cirrus and barely anything of Swiss. He’s louder by the end. I’m still conflicted about the growls—if it is Swiss or Papa’s play-back—but it’s a great addition that was very mild in 2017’s play-back. The backing vocals are on the sides, accordingly to the stage layout. It all just adds more spice, I adore them.

Sound engineering and mixing is so much better in 2023. We can easily tie it to the budget (though I’d like to “blame” it on Hayden’s part in the engineering, he’s a mastermind, too). The sound is much clearer and fluid than in 2017, it highlights all the instruments perfectly at the same time. Mixing in 2017 is more blunt, it’s a bit duller and some changes in volumes and placements of instruments could—or even should—be made. It doesn’t mean 2017 sucks—far from it—it’s just a technical difference which actually warms my heart if we look at how far has Ghost come. So, once again, considering the budget in 2017 vs. 2023 it’s all understandable. Also the crowd sound control in 2023 is very fun; it makes a great use of all the yelling causing the whole song to sound warmer and fuller.

Both 2017 and 2023 are on the exact same tempo, they can be put over each other perfectly (which I did). They slide apart at the end and the break before the outro is longer in 2023. The 2023 outro itself is pretty boring in comparison to 2017, most likely because in 2023 it’s not a closing song. Below there’s both “Absolutions” over each other; 2023 in the left and 2017 in the right headphone.

[woolieshubris]

So, you've been sent bait: A Guide for Internet Posters and Readers

Disclaimer: I am simply an autistic internet poster with a special interest in human interaction, abuse patterns, and internet culture. I am not a scholar and I do not have a degree in these things. While I have done research into the topics of cancellation, online abuse, and harassment, I am far from an expert.

Introduction:

I've seen this happen dozens of times before. A semi popular blogger will suddenly seem embroiled in a controversial topic, receiving harassment and accusations of some pretty terrible things. It goes on for about 24-72 hours, and then poof, it seems to be completely over, (however, of course, it can be brought up again without warning.) This can be emotionally damaging for the blogger, for the supporters of that blogger, and for the shock waves it will undoubtedly send into the greater community. This also further spreads discourse and popularizes harmful ideologies to people who might have previously never heard of them. The targets are almost always trans women, (with transmisogyny doing most of the cancellation legwork) and it seems to always have the goal of turning fellow trans people against the target. (Though, of course, I've seen this done with autistic creators, nonbinary creators, ect. Trans women are just the most popular target.)

Now, the goal of this guide is to help people understand how this happens, be able to recognize the patterns of a targeted harassment campaign, and be able to try and prevent it in the future. I'll be writing this as a guide to the target, however, I think it's important for lurkers/readers to also be able to recognize these patterns so they too can avoid being manipulated into falling into these pitfalls. A large portion of this harassment initiative is to use "useful idiots" in order to do most of the legwork. As a reader, you must avoid becoming a useful idiot, (which I'll be referring to as fools from now on) and you must be able to tell when other people are being used in this manner as well. This is the most effective way to protect people from unwarranted harassment campaigns.

Section 1: Bait

Types of Bait:

You've been sent bait, but you aren't sure if it is actually bait, or a genuine question from a fan. You don't want to ignore someone's valid concern, so you answer it even though you might not be sure. This is your first mistake! If you think it might be bait, it's best to treat it as such. Think of bait asks as toxic waste. If you aren't sure, it's much better to be safe than sorry. If you receive a bait ask, your best bet is to delete it and not respond at all. Yes, it will probably rattle you, and you'll probably feel bad about deleting the question, but you need to understand that it doesn't matter. If this person was asking a genuine question, they would understand if you don't want to answer. If they get annoyed or angry at your lack of answer- they were likely asking it with the intent to hurt you.

The first type of bait is bringing up a controversial topic.

While certain topics (like queer rights, abortion, Palestinian freedom) do actually matter in the real world and I would believe are worth responding to or making your position clear (as long as it is something you do have an opinion on) this does not mean all controversial topics are equal. Many topics that are "hot debates" online do not matter in the real world. (for example, proship vs antiship). Regardless of the validity of the debate, if it doesn't matter in the real world, it likely isn't worth publicly stating your opinion on those things. That is why people who are active in those movements try to make these things seem like they have real world consequences- to try and make their debate more valid and easier to pull more people into. The real goal with many of these topics is not to try and have a reasonable discussion. The goal is to try and pull as many people into them as possible. If they can successfully get ANY response out of you, then they win. Their debate is now broadcasted on your platform. Their thoughts, arguments, philosophies are now spread to thousands of people instantly. Even if you respond with an answer like "huh?" "what?" or "what does this mean???" they still win. Your acknowledgement of the debates existence at ALL is a win for them. They get to publicly platform their beliefs on your profile. If you respond at all and express even the slightest hint of an opinion, then they will have an entire section of fools that can now send you messages about this topic. Death by a thousand paper cuts. This is the most common type of bait, and the reason is simple. Internet debates can suck in people and can quickly rot peoples brains. Like sleeper agents, people will automatically start trying to chime in the moment they see the hints of any debate. If you fall for this debate, the best thing to do is delete everything, block main players and wait it out. With any luck, it will be completely forgotten by the end of the week.

The second type of bait is an accusation.

Again, while some allegations or accusations are worth responding to, if it is completely false, not responding will be your best bet. If you do respond at all, the allegation and your name will be linked in peoples minds. Even if you deny it, people will be confused as to why it was brought up at all. They might even think that you are lying or deflecting. Responding to the accusation at all is treated as a confession. If this accusation is something you've heard before, it would be worth looking into the source of the claim- someone might be spreading lies about you. However, if this accusation is something you've never received before, it is almost certainly bait. They are trying to make you look bad. Just delete them. If this is something you are receiving from a specific person, ask them about it privately. Never respond to false accusations on your public platform unless you know the source of the accusations. If you have to respond to them, you need to link to the accusation in full, not vaguely describe them. When you vaguely describe them, then you are putting the duty on the readers to find the accusation- they'll read it on the accusers terms- putting the ball directly into the accusers court. If your reader reads it directly from the accusers, then it will automatically make your refutation look dubious by comparison. Make it easy for the reader to see the full accusation and point out the absurdity of the claims. By laying out all of the information clearly, the readers will be able to easily figure out that the claims were bogus. In future confrontations, your supporters will likely even respond to the accusers for you, now that they fully understand the arguments against you. Supporters love to correct people, and this can help you significantly- just as much as it can hurt. It's a double edged sword, so if you point it in the right direction, it can help protect you against false accusations.

The third type of bait is confusion.

This type of bait is a bit harder to spot, and it's usually blended with the other two types. This type of bait is deliberately confusing. The confusing nature is what makes it such effective bait. A vague message can be read a thousand ways, and as long as one person can spin it in a way that makes you a "horrible person" then that can quickly become the narrative. If you receive a question that you do not understand, you have no reason to answer it. If you can't answer, simply not acknowledging it at all is the smartest thing to do.

How to deal with bait:

As I've stated in the previous sub-sections, the first time you receive any type of bait, you should ignore it. The intentions of the bait may differ, but they all need to be treated in the same way- with no respect at all. Anyone who tells you otherwise is someone who wishes for you to be hurt or a fool. If you receive it more than once, try blocking the person. If you continue to receive it, then that means that in all likelihood it's more than one person sending you the bait, and it might not be bait after all. However, you should proceed with extreme caution. You do not respond to the bait- you figure out the source of the questions and answer it on your own terms. Simply making a post like "Hey, for the record, I support dolphins." will go over a thousand times better than a post that goes like "'Why do you hate dolphins?' I don't." If you are receiving bait, another way to deal with it is by turning anonymous asks off and looking into the blogs of people sending you the bait. Search terms relating to the question they asked. If it's something they seem to get into a lot of internet fights over, block them. The approach you must always consider bait with is that all of the bait asks you receive are sent by one person trying to seem like a group of people. This is on purpose- they want to intimidate you into answering. This is why blocking and turning off anonymous asks can be useful tools. It forces them to unmask themselves.

Footnote 1: The response by these bait people is often "keeping on anonymous asks allow people to feel safe in asking these important questions." Your safety is more important. This is just trying to guilt trip you. Fools will also often respond similarly. After all, it can sound compelling. However you are not a publicly traded company. You do not need transparency. You do not have body guards or multiple employees. You are a singular person with a right to privacy and safety.

Summary

In this section, we discussed the main types of bait: controversial, accusatory, and confusing. We also talked about the best way to deal with each type, as well as the pitfalls of responding to each type, and how to deal with a larger harassment campaign.

If you personally have fallen victim to any of these techniques, either as a fool or a poster, I can understand how you might feel- however the important aspect of these types of bait is that they can and do trick people. If they didn't work, they wouldn't be used. It is not your fault for falling for it- it is completely on the perpetrators of this abuse. However, I hope this guide can help people to protect themselves or recognize when these things are happening to them.

[qoldenskies]

You describing Donnie as a provider will always be so important to me because I think it’s one of the aspects people don’t use whenever they write his character. Genuinely speaking the main thing that I think gets lost in translation is that, beyond his boasting, he’s generally more passive than anything. I think his particular softness is something I kinda mourn the most in certain characterizations, because a lot of times it gets translated as aggressive protectiveness—even though his support is literally just, backline support. And more than that, he seems to enjoy that! He’s most comfortable playing support, he just wants recognition along with it!

(It’s been discussed before but I’ll say again that the odd softening of certain aspects of Raph while sharpening Donnie’s edges is kinda like. The automatic urge to associate caregiving with femininity and being a provider with masculinity. Think it’s important that Raph in particular is still very much a rough-and-tumble teenage boy, who also provides emotional support to his loved ones… alternatively I might be too woke.)

i think its funny when people give donnie a more masculine personality because aside from the fact that he's so sensitive, is he not the one that canonically enjoys granny drag

REGARDLESS I COMPLETELY AGREE WITH THIS perhaps i am ALSO that one friend who's too woke,,, this is not a game of house where raph is the mommy and donnie is the daddy and mikey is the kid and leo is the dog (actually that one might be true mb), i think its an oversimplification of their dynamic and it also gives disservice to raph who i WOULD argue is kind of canonically their father figure more than he's being given credit for. i do not mind making him feminine all (or transfem! transfem raph rocks) but i do feel like some of it stems from a kind of misogynistic perspective of him. i like that he does fr have eldest daughter syndrome while also having a pretty masculine personality ngl

i also think it shaves down some of his really interesting flaws,,, raph will occasionally be over-appeasing when he's genuinely scared of hurting people's feelings, but he can also be callous and shortsighted especially because he's a little emotionally imperceptive. he kind of stumbles when things get more emotionally complex, especially if he feels pressured to do something about it. raph generally lashes out or gets upset if he cant appease everyone (like he will actually yell or freak out this happens SO much), there's a lot of evidence for this lol. this is a big reason him and leo have a relationship that can get really rocky, they get along great when they work together but leo is extremely socially clever and perceptive, he can run circles around him and raph's solution to things is literally Smashing so he'll usually just get mad at him. he also actually shouts at them quite a bit and even whacks them a few times (and DOES try to get into a fistfight with leo in the movie are we forgetting this) like cmaaaan

^^^ raph isnt low empathy like donnie is but i DO like that he kind of sucks at reading people, especially if he's built up this idea of how they SHOULD feel, because i do think that is a very neurodivergent trait to have. my autistic/anxiety king

WITH DONNIE THOUGH!! i think its your words not mine but like. he IS already protective in canon, this isnt something that needs to be dragged into the light or played up because i would argue that donnie is an extremely protective person, i just think its a misread to treat him like he's overbearing or even like,,,, extremely nosy? if anyone's gonna get up in your business and make it all about him its gonna be mikey imo

^^ i dont mind people exploring the potential of that kind of side of him, especially because i could see stress breaking him into that kind of person, but donnie being pretty passive is one of my favorite things about him. he's built to be a follower and he likes it that way, and i think that's really evident in the way that he desperately seeks out praise for his inventions. jokes about being self-centered aside, he does it for THEM. this is way of saying he loves them, of keeping them safe. every time he jumps in front of mikey in the movie he is TERRIFIED. donnie is not an angry person in combat. literally never has been. he's either manic and gleeful because he knows he's winning or screaming and crying and throwing up because he knows he's losing LMFAOOOO

[compassionatereminders]

the talk of self-diagnosis reminds me, a few months ago i got into a huge fight with a loved one because they are very against self-diagnosis while I'm not. i've done years of research and I am pretty certain I am autistic. and while a diagnosis would be nice, i am in no rush to pursue one. plus i quite literally cannot get a diagnosis at the moment anyway.

but this person, who is diagnosed, hates self-diagnosis and people who do, because apparently they know everything there is to being autistic...even though i had to explain special interests and hyperfixations to them, since we also had a spat over me having them and "not wanting to focus on other stuff".

nevermind the fact that another person i know who is diagnosed believed me when i said i might be autistic. and other people i know have also known or agreed. so really i'm peer diagnosed. but again, to that one person, i can't possibly know unless i go to a professional. even though my life experiences line up pretty well with other autistic folks. as do my mannerisms.

i had to pretend to agree with them just to make them stop scolding me. it's been months and i still don't feel safe posting about autism on my page because if they see it, they're gonna snap again. (and before anyone says to block them...it is unfortunately not that simple. leaving it at that.)

Yeah I am so bothered by people like that. It's bad enough to firmly believe that a psychiatrist has more right to define my experiences than I do myself, but it's not just that, these people who don't even fit their own definition of an all powerful psych who gets the only word definitely often feel far too comfortable going "well I don't think you have that, so clearly you don't!"

[dark-type-appreciator]

Intro post! :3

Hello! Like my description says, I'm Liam! I'm 16 and I found this website a while back and decided to finally make an account!!! I really like dark type pokemon (bet you could guess that XD), and I'm always open to talk about them! I also really like other catmons ^w^ curse of being a warrior skitties fan I guess...

I also like drawing, warrior skitties, and roleplaying! I have other interests but those are my main ones! I play games sometimes, but I'm not very good at them x_x

I'm not really a pokemon trainer… I only have one pokemon haha! His name is Goldie, and he's a purrloin! He's kind of a cranky old man but he loves me!

umm, what else? I get confused sometimes, please be patient, I'm autistic (and other things). Same goes the other way around!! If u need me to rephrase something, please tell me! Also i misspell things a lot, auto correct is my best friend. Hopefully its not too bad!

Oh! Also I am a furry! :3 I almost forgot to mention that asjhdjahs

Here's my pokesona!

not the best reference, it's kinda old... Maybe I'll redo it someday!

Also- if we're friends, pls tag any bug types!… I have a really bad phobia of them, and I don't wanna see them at all. Thank you!!!

also- look look look!!

They're friends.. :3

[OOC under the cut]

Actias (@act11as) back at it again... Oh boy! OOC posts will be tagged as #ooc and #moth's yapping to avoid confusion.

All triggering content will be tagged as "#[word] tw" for better blacklisting. Please contact me if I miss something or you need something tagged.

‼ This blog will have heavy themes! including mental illness, gaslighting, (witnessed) domestic abuse, emotional abuse, child neglect, Past physical abuse, and generally dysfunctional and unhealthy family and friend dynamics ‼ [This blog is heavily connected to @sound-type-advocate, highly recommend following if you want the full story.]

Boundaries

Self-insert Fallers, do not interact. There is a certain level of unreality I can handle and self-insert fallers cross that threshold. I will block over this, be warned. Everyone else is fine to interact!

NSFW COMMENTS WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. Mod is a minor, even if muse is an adult!

IN CHARACTER anon hate is okay! I have the right to not answer anything, and if you're ever unsure, feel free to ask.

Extra:

Pelipper Mail, un-mail, and Malice are off currently! You may be able to convince him to turn it on!

Mystery Gifts are closed! Though if this and Pelipper mail were to open, this one is preferred!

Musharna mail, and Musharna malice are always on! Magic anons are off.

Organizational Tags!

Liam Chatters - General post tag! As long as he's saying something in the text portion, it'll be tagged. Reblog! ^w^ - Reblog tag. Pretty self explanatory Future Sight (queue) - Queued posts tag! Again pretty self explanatory. Liam used Doodle! - Art tag! Liam's art will be tagged as this, for those who want to see it. Foresight - Out of character tag. It marks posts that will potentially be important in the future. This can range from his opinions on things to heavy lore posts! Good tag to read through if you think you're missing something!

Friend Tags! (Tags for friends!)

#Tari mention - tag for Tari from @/pokemoncryptids #faith is friending - tag for Faith from @/faithispokemoning #rare sprig appearance - Tag for Sprig... Who does not have a public account! they're Liam's friend however.

ONGOING ARCS:

Nothing named!

PAST ARCS/EVENTS:

#Lucy Strikes! - One of Liam's friends stole his phone while they were supposed to be visiting. General warnings for bullying. #Mask Off Arc - Shorter arc involving the aftermath of the previous event. Liam started to open up a little more, and hey! Mask reveal! (subject to be renamed, could be used for something more important currently)

Blocklist:

These are blogs Liam has blocked in-character! usually for lore reasons! these are not blogs that have personally been blocked, feel free to interact on anon if you're on this list!

@/tinkatinktrain

@/sound-type-advocate

[alpaca-clouds]

Dear Worldbuilders: Please Understand Cultural Norms As Cultural Norms

Two days ago I had a discussion with my new roomie. Because we are two autistic guys, who will not stop talking politics all day, and were talking about the opening ceremony of the Olympics. To which he held the opinion: "I mean, I was not offended. But I can understand the Christians who are." To which I pointed out, that they really do not get to be offended after forcing their religion onto everyone.

Somehow the discussion however went to the horrible topic of "kink at pride". And he showed me videos he saw online, where some nudists were also participating at pride. To which I just shrugged and was like: "So what? They are naked. It is not as if they are doing something sexual. They are just naked, and there should be nothing taboo about the naked body. I mean, c'mon dude, we are living in Germany which is kinda known internationally for its nudist culture." And he went: "Yeah, sure, but usually if there is a nudist beach or a nudist swimming pool I will go there expecting to see naked people." And I kept relying on the point: "Well, but what harm is done to these people being naked?" To which he went: "Well, the children...!" And I was like: "Do you really think kids are getting traumatized by seeing a naked body? You are aware there are cultures around the world in which running around naked is pretty normalized, right? I know that 'don't be naked' feels super intuitive for someone growing up over here, but keep in mind that to someone from Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia 'women should cover their hair' would feel about as intuitive, because it is just a cultural norm." Which was the point I was given.

But thinking about it, I actually do see a lot of people struggling with this concept as well. Yesterday a friend and I also talked about how many western people just assume that Christmas is celebrated by everyone around the world - even though it isn't.

And I think this shows nowhere as strongly as in fantasy and scifi media. Because a lot of fantasy and scifi media just will go ahead and assume a baseline western culture - even in settings, where it does not make sense. More than that: It will assume either modern western cultural norms or - especially for fantasy - will kind of try to extrapolate how people imagine something to have been like at some time.

And I am staying with the nudity example, because it is actually a funny one. A lot of fantasy media will assume people in a medival setting to be super touchy about nude bodies, because Victorian's were crying (according to popular myths) when they saw a naked ankle.

However: This actually could not be further from the truth. Because we have ample evidence, that in medieval times not only public baths were not sex seggregated, but that on hot summer days the peasants would also work at least partially naked on the fields.

Sure, in some areas of Europe nobility was a bit more squeaming around naked bodies than the peasants. But that was then a nobility thing - and even this was not necessarily true throughout the entire middle ages (again: The period lasted around 1000 years), and especially not throughout all of Europe.

But you know what said nobility was also super iffed about? Yeah: Women's hair. That got hidden throughout medieval Europe as well. Especially in late medieval times. At times under headscarfs, at times under certain types of hats.

Then let's also talk about the Christmas thing. Because it is a classic of fantasy media especially. The world is going to have a winter festival that involves gift giving, family parties, and often enough also dead trees in prominent locations.

Now, on one hand: A lot of cultures around the world had winter solstice festivals, so assuming that your fantasy culture will have the same is not that far fetched to have that, too. But why give it the modern Christmas traditions? There are so many other traditions you could come up with. I am sure of that. You are a fantasy/scifi writer after all!

You might ask yourself right now: Why do I even have an issue with this?

Well, the answer is simple. Because this is about Eurocentrism. Building a world like that will just assume that western European traditions are "the norm", they are what we should assume to find everywhere. And when people read fantasy media and just find it all reflected there, it is what they will start to assume. And then they are going to be all "surprised pikachu", when they find out that indeed, the world does not celebrate Christmas.

Also... Just normalize naked bodies. There is literally no harm in seeing a naked body. None at all.

[pluto-supremacy]

Hobie Brown headcanons: dating a gn!autistic!reader

➼These headcanons are based off some struggles I deal with myself as an autistic person, what my friends with autism face, and what i have seen and researched online. Autism is a spectrum and remember that everyone has different needs and levels of support, I just tried to include what i know in this post!

➼ Inspired by @hobie-enthusiast's fic QUIET AND EASE ! If you haven't read it you totally should! His writing is amazing and he has some of the best Hobie fics on here!

➼ No beta we die like uncle Aaron

➼No warnings here! Contains fluff

GIF doesn't belong to me! All credits to the original owner

Hobie is in tune with your needs, spidey-sense and all. He's pretty good at being able to predict when you're going to have a meltdown and will throw anyone out of the room to give you some space to calm down and work through it

Has ear defenders or headphones on him at all times and spare sets around his flat just for you

If you let him/want him to he will totally paint them for you, whatever you want

New safe food? He's stocked up like he's preparing for a blizzard

Never pressures you to try new foods or to 'get out of your comfort zone', but will encourage you if that is what you want

Safe food turned against you? He's boycotting it with you

"Luv I ain't ev'n like [food]"

Has invested in several weighted blankets of various weights

If you have sensory issues with clothing (tags, hate the feel of certain material, etc) but still want to steal his clothes, he will happily modify your favorite pieces of his so you can wear it. Hell, his whole closet even

Despite hating consistancy, he knows how important routine is to you and will throw that belief away in a heartbeat (just for you though)

Helps you with transitions, like giving ten minute warnings before you two go out, getting you a nice fluffy robe to make getting out of the shower easier, or writing out what you're doing for the day and when so you can mentally prepare yourelf

Will listen for hours about your special interest, even if you think he wouldn't care or like it. Hello Kitty? He's listening. Enbalming methods from the 1800's? Doesn't matter, you have his full attention and loves learning about whatever you love

If you're non-verbal, selectivly mute, or low-verbal, he finds other ways to help you communicate. Whatever makes you feel more comfortable and heard. 'Yes/No' buttons? You've got them. Flash cards with your needs? Got it on a clip and all so you can carry it around easier, and he helps you decorate them. Signing? Hobie's learning BSL now so he can understand you (and honestly loves signing with you)

Hobie has a huge fidget toy collection that you're welcome to take from at any time, no questions asked

New hyperfixation? He'll get you what you need to do it. Embroidary? He's already got needles and thread, you can practice on his clothes. Same with sewing, he'll teach you if you want. A new video game? He borrows the console needed just for you

He knows that he can get a little loud, especially when going out as spiderpunk. Hobie's mindful to keep his voice down around you and will remind anyone else if they're getting too loud

A/N: Might end up adding more to this in the future! Just wanted to finally post something and it's 4 am-

[perplexingluciddreams]

An exploration of gender as a nonverbal autistic

This is going to be an attempt at expressing my feelings about my own gender and queerness, as a nonverbal autistic with language difficulties, low awareness of the world around me, barely any sense of self, and so many other things that affect my ability to understand and be aware of the concept of gender and sexuality to begin with.

I tried to write this like a properly structured essay, but because my thoughts are so disorganised in general (and I have so many thoughts on this topic), I couldn’t manage that. So, I have decided to present this as if it is a collection of journal entries; that is basically what this is, in truth! You will just have to experience the disorganisation in a similar way to how I experience my own mind. The most organising I was able to do was split it up into some categories, to make it slightly easier for you, reading this. Some things that I wrote could fit into more than one category, but this is how I chose to divide it up.

I have written a lot about the words I use to describe the way I feel, how I choose those words, and how that has changed over time. My delays in certain areas of development, and the other ways my various disabilities affect me, have a significant impact on the ways I have come to understand my gender identity and the internal (and partially external) process I went through to get to where I am now.

I have no doubt that things will continue to shift and change and as a result, the way I define myself in different contexts will also change. This is just my first attempt at getting a lot of this out of my brain and into words, for other people to read.

I wrote this is many fragments, so it doesn’t flow or connect, and there may be some repetition. Each paragraph may have been written at a completely different time, and therefore doesn’t relate to the last paragraph, or the next. Some of this is just stand-alone statements, some is longer examinations of my feelings. But all of it is true to my experience of the world and of queerness.

I have never been able to express the majority of this before, so I think it is pretty good for a first attempt!

**Note: I make a reference to having speech at a point in my life. I am nonverbal due to late autism regression, and grew up semiverbal with very unreliable speech, and language issues. I had very poor communication.**

Here we go!

I am inserting a “read more” here because this is very long. Really, very long.

Part 1 - The Words

I don't really think of myself as a man or a woman, or a boy or a girl. I have called myself a transsexual man before, simply because that is the clearest way to explain to someone where I'm coming from and where I'm headed. But I don't particularly like the word "man" to describe myself. I like the word boy, just because the word is nice. But that doesn't mean I am insistent on people calling me a boy. 

I choose the words I use for myself simply from what I like the sound or feel of the most. The last thing I want is to be boxed in, though. I only use labels as descriptors, to explain to other people - they are a tool to communicate something, not a set of limits and boundaries to put on myself.

I know a lot of people might read this and think "that sounds like nonbinary", but I don't use that word. Again, simply because I don't like the way it sounds or feels when i read/write/hear it. And yes, I suppose I do exist outside the conventional binary, but that would be the case regardless of whether I was transsexual or not, because of my autism. So that is not something that needs to be labeled in my opinion (for me personally). Because the conventional binary is not something that exists in my experience of the world.

I hate that there's one set of accepted terminology to label queerness - such a fluid and complex piece of identity - and that I am even more "other" if I choose to say that I AM female, I WAS a girl. I don't like the word transgender unless it is being used as a verb - transing gender. I like the word transsexual because it describes something I will DO (top surgery, eventually). And partly because of how it sounds and the pattern of typing it on a keyboard.

My gender is what I DO, not what I AM. Gender as a verb.

Socially, changing my name and pronouns is much more connected to my barely-there sense of self, and past trauma. I needed to start again, because I felt that my life had changed completely (and it *had*). I like he/him pronouns because they sound different to how i was always referred to growing up. And they simply sound nicer. 

Even though I don't understand most of the social stuff that comes with gender stuff, I still have positive and negative connections to certain gender-related things. And relating to the way I was raised - it still affects me, even though I can't grasp the complexity of how and why.

I enjoy the fact that I am fucking with gender, fucking with expectations. I am a female that is also a boy. I love the contradiction.

I still call myself female, because if people really mean it when they say "gender and sex is separate", then "female" does not mean "girl" or "woman".

Most words I used to describe myself as a child were put on me by other people. I used to repeat them over and over in my mind, as if to explain to myself that that's what I am. Especially my own name. I felt that if I just repeated it enough then maybe those words would stick and feel real. They never did. I don't know what words I would use to describe myself now, but I don't think I need to know. I'm just me. No words are needed for that.

When I just exist as myself in the world, words are barely relevant. My world is so sensory-based and rich in sensations that there's no point even trying to put words to it.

I don't think there's anything wrong with creating new words for things that already have words to describe them, language is constantly evolving and different people will have different experiences that they want to describe in different ways. However, I don't think it is useful to argue for stopping the usage of "outdated" terms, as there are always going to be people who prefer those terms. Not all people are going to agree on a word that they find most fitting or appropriate, even in one community.

I try my best to examine my feelings about myself and what causes a good reaction in me and what causes bad reaction in me. And then I use whatever words I have to try and explain it as best as I can.

Often the words I have are not enough and either I cannot communicate something at all, or I try and it is inaccurate and/or inadequate.

It is very difficult for me to put such abstract thoughts/concepts/feelings into words, I lack the language for that and often also the awareness - there is so many steps to communicating something for me. For example, most people have the automatic urge to communicate things, and know that option is always there. For me, it takes mental work to even remember other people exist and I am capable of interaction with them. And of course after that follows so much more work to do the actual communicating.

For years I thought of the words "transgender" and "transsexual" as off limits. "Those are the things I am not allowed to be".

A lot of words have shaky definitions and that makes it hard for me to even understand what they mean, never mind use them to describe myself.

I would often rather use a phrase, or a paragraph, to describe myself, rather than a singular word. I really don't want to be misunderstood. 

I think that the way I experience gender cannot be put into words, and it certainly can't be labeled with one thing. I'm just grateful to have the opportunity to even try and communicate these things, and to explore it openly in the first place. Because of course I would still explore it inside my own head, even if I didn't have the words or couldn't tell anybody - I was already doing that, before I had access to all this new language.

I know a lot of people don't like the word "tomboy", but since I was a kid I've always really liked it. It brings to mind a mental image of young girls (in a time when clothing for men and women was much more separated) dressing up in boys clothes, boys school uniform, and the feeling of freedom from that. I always wished people would call me a tomboy when I was a kid.

I had a feeling of "oh, that's what I want to be when I grow up", when I first learnt of what butch is. Even though I am not sure at all of my sexuality, because that relates to other people and I am never sure how I relate to other people, or if that’s even possible, especially in a romantic or sexual way.

The words I use will always be slightly "out of date", or "not right", because of the time it takes my brain to catch up with everything. I will never find words to properly describe myself in a way that feels fully correct. I live in a world of my own that doesn't need words, only the acknowledgement of a feeling inside my own head. However, that is not very useful when trying to communicate things to other people.

Some words just taste and sound like defiance.

Part 2 - My Physical Existence

With puberty, I had so much discomfort with the change in my body, not only because it felt as if I was developing wrong, but also because of age and developmental stage - I felt it was too early, I was not ready for that. Big changes are bad.

I do have dysphoria, but only really around my chest, and the way people refer to me (which is also complicated and related to trauma). And other than that, I don't care a lot about how I am viewed, as long as I feel free to express myself however I want.

Aside from my chest, I am comfortable being female. I like having a vulva (as much as it intrigues me about what having a penis is like), I don't want to change that about my body. I don't mind having a uterus (apart from menstruation, which is not fun, but it's not the worst thing ever and it doesn't make me feel overly dysphoric).

I recognise that I have a physical form. I did have to develop the awareness of that, but I do not see that as ME. I am just a floating mass of thoughts and feelings and experiences.

My body was made for me, it wasn't made wrong. There are things I need to change about this body to make it more comfortable to exist in, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it was made wrong to begin with, despite feeling that way sometimes.

Disabled bodies inherently break the rules.

Many times I have wondered, perhaps, if my chest were much smaller, I wouldn’t have a problem with it. The main thing I struggle with due to my very large chest, is the physical discomfort. It aggravates my sensory issues in a massive way, it causes back and rib pain from the weight and pressure. The ways that having a large chest increases symptoms of my disabilities are the biggest reason for needing top surgery. Gender wise, I think I would be unbothered by a more “neutral” body, where I could easily forget about my birth sex. If/when I get top surgery, I will be removing my entire chest - the end result being a flat chest - however if I naturally had very small breasts I wonder whether I would pursue top surgery at all. I’m not sure of the answer to this, I can’t imagine hypothetical situations well, but it’s something I think about often.

I find relief in having physical reminders that it is different now (to when I was a child) and I won't get hurt again, I am safe now. I now have a buzzcut that I touch every time I am scared and remember it is not like when my hair was long, not anymore.

Sensory issues and physical limitations affect my physical appearance. And, my mannerisms are affected. I cannot look how I WANT to look. How I WISH I looked. As a result, my perception of myself and my external appearance, are even further divided. My generally low awareness and weak sense of self comes into play here as well. There is such a disconnect.

Part 3 - Awareness and Understanding

I can't stick labels on myself because in order to do that, I need to perceive myself as a person first. If other people want to use certain words to describe the way I am and the way I try to find joy and comfort in this confusing and scary world, that's absolutely fine by me - words are important and helpful and useful. But I don't know enough about the character that other people see and perceive, to say those things about "me".

I don't understand the concept of gender at all really. For me being trans is just about having more of the things that make me happier and more comfortable. I don't know what it means to BE a boy, versus being a girl - just that, out of the two, I would much rather be a boy. It is complicated, having such strong feelings towards and/or against things that I barely grasp the concept of.

My (lack of) understanding of gender and awareness of the world and myself definitely impact the way I define my identity. I would like to say that I am not bothered about labels much. That, to me the human experience is too complex and varied and colourful to be fit into black and white labels, I am just somewhere on the spectrum of human, but as descriptors they can be useful. And all of that is true, however, I do have intense preferences on which words I and others use to refer to me, even if I don’t at all understand why. Those preferences have shifted over time, as well, which sparks a period of questioning and examination, every time I hear someone use a word I previously preferred and find myself physically recoiling from the discomfort.

I cannot understand social constructs such as gender and gender roles. It just add to the confusion that surrounds my brain every day of my life.

If someone views me as a woman (or a girl), nowadays I am okay with that. It definitely would have bothered younger me, because I couldn't yet wrap my head around the complexity and fluidity of identity, and how it can't always be described by words with strict definitions. But as long as people use the name I chose for myself, and refer to me in the the way I ask, I am okay with any assumptions they may make about me based on my outward appearance. Because it's me, and how I define my own identity, that matters. Not how I look to other people. And my appearance is not something I have much control over at all, anyway. The first thing people notice about me is that I’m disabled.

Part 4 - Growing Up

The stages to breaking down my identity enough to identify it as a trans experience, for me, were this. First, it was necessary to understand what gender and sex is, and that there’s a difference between the two. Then, to understand social roles assigned to male and female that create "girl" and "boy" expectations. Thirdly, to have enough awareness of myself and understand my individual experience (and be able to compare my experience to others’) enough to figure out how I feel about gender. Lastly, to finally get communication skills and the control over my life to be able to TELL anyone. This last step is a work in progress!

The way I see it, I was by default a girl when I was younger. Because I had no control then, and that's what was assigned to me. I really couldn't say what I wanted almost at all until I was about 16 years old. And one of the first complex things I finally could communicate (at a very basic level, just scraping the surface) was the gender stuff. I attempted this a lot of times before 16 but I simply didn’t have the language, the understanding, the awareness, the communication skills, etc. to get my point across. The first time I tried to tell another person about experiencing queerness, I only had the words “gay” and “lesbian” to use. I knew that these were not right, but that was all I had. The only words I could use were ones I had read or heard, from other people, and that greatly, greatly limited my ability to express my unique internal experiences. Instead of trying to find other words, I instead became very insistent upon being gay/lesbian, only because I knew it was more than that.

I have a lot of memories of scary experiences where my unreliable speech took over and blurted out scripts (delayed echolalia) about being queer (using words I wouldn’t choose), simply because I was trying to learn and understand my feelings about queerness better with watching/reading media from other people. And that lead to ridicule and more exposure than I was ready for or wanted. I didn’t want other people to know, at that stage. I wasn’t done with the processing, and I needed it to stay internal. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a choice in the matter.

I was one of those people where it was always obvious I am queer, or at least “different” in just about every respect. I have never had a choice to hide it. I mourn the fact that I was never allowed the chance to inform other people of this part of my identity in my own time, with my own words. I am grateful that I even have the privilege of writing this, but there is a reason that there’s so much to write here in one go. There is so much I haven’t had the ability to say at all, until now, and even more that I haven’t had the chance to say right.

Sometimes I have the feeling that, even in the queer community, with the accepted labels and identities, I don't fit. It makes me sad sometimes, that I couldn't fit an accepted “role” or label. I have come to an understanding that that is not what being queer is about at all, which helps. I think part of the reason this upsets me, is because I am so disabled that I will never “fit” in any real queer space with other real queer people. I am left outside, watching from the edges. I am outside of everything. 

But - It comforts me that there have always been people like me, just existing in the world. We have always been here. When I was younger and had all these thoughts and feelings about gender that I didn't understand yet, had no context for, couldn't express and didn't have proof of anyone else who had the same experience - it comforted me to think "if i am feeling this, then statistically another human at some point in time must've felt the same way".

When I was younger I used to believe - queer is what people say when they mean "dirty" and "wrong". It’s what people say when they mean something worse but don't have a word for it.

My identity of being trans is simply my identity of being me.

When I think about "passing" and wishing things to be easier for me, I don't think "I wish I passed as a boy", I find myself wishing I was just a girl, and then my life would be so much less complicated. But, of course, it will always be complicated for me, because of how others perceive my autism first, before anything else. I feel I struggle to be seen as a whole human with a complex human experience, because to so many people I am just my autism. Then also lacking of awareness of gender and only knowing my own feelings - even if I was a girl, I would still have this difficulty! - but still, in this situation, I think "I wish I didn't have these feelings to begin with". I think that shows it is more about the difficulty of coping, rather than other people's view and opinion based on my appearance and outward expression.

When using words to refer to my younger self, those experiences and the way they were labeled and explained at the time does not cease to exist just because I choose to use different words for my present-day self. I am more accepting of this now, I used to really struggle with the fact that it had changed over time and my black-and-white thinking of “one or the other is true”, made it very challenging.

When I was younger, the only way I knew how to make everything “wrong” with me (autism, physical disabilities, queerness, lack of faith in God, etc.) an understandable concept, was to come up with the overall explanation that “my brain is broken”. I just thought that must be the only answer. It was the only way I could process how many things I thought were completely and utterly wrong about me.

It feels like two facts colliding when I see my birth name, and it makes my brain hurt and my understanding of the world shatter.

Part 5 - The Choice

When people misgender me, it is more upsetting to me that people ignore my choice than that they perceive me "wrong" or make the wrong assumption. I actually don’t mind assumptions much, if someone looks at me and thinks I’m a woman that’s okay with me nowadays - I understand that I appear female, because I am, and a lot of people connect female with woman (or girl, as I am often also assumed to be quite young). But I also can easily forget that someone might not know my pronouns straight away, simply because of struggles with theory of mind - I forget that other people don't automatically know what I know, that they can't read my mind.

It is upsetting only because my choice is not being respected or understood or seen, from my brain’s point of view. Having the ability and opportunity to choose the way I am addressed, the way I identify, the way I talk about myself and want others to talk about me, is incredibly valuable to me. For so long I have only had other people’s words, both for them to freely put onto me, and to use in my laboured attempts at communication. Attempting to grab onto the closest words to my true meaning and piecing them together like jigsaw pieces from different puzzles that don’t quite fit.

Now that I can write something like this, with so many words that are mostly my own, to have someone go against that (whether it is intentional or not - it doesn’t change things because of my low theory of mind, I can’t think from another’s perspective and understand that they don’t know what I know) is spirit breaking.

A lot of the parts of my transition can be (partially) attributed to different things, different reasons. I changed my name partly because I had no connection to my birth name, and struggled to remember to respond to it. It also reminded me of bad memories that I don’t want to relive every day. Having a new name was part of a necessary process of changing every part of my life so it never feels the same way it used to - at least, not in the ways that I can control. I already wrote about how I need top surgery for reasons including but not limited to dysphoria, pain, sensory issues, and so on. I love having my hair buzzed (as much as I have the occasional urge to grow it), because it feels like me. It feel different to when I was younger, and it’s a physical reminder that I am safe now, every time I touch my head or catch a glance of myself in the mirror.

Technically, with these other reasons to attribute many parts of my transition to, I could choose not to identify the way I do. If I didn’t feel a strong connection to queerness, I don’t think I would spend so much time trying to sift through thoughts and feelings and experiences and memories and holding them up against different words to see how it fits. I have basically no awareness of gender outside of myself, I can’t figure out my sexuality because I don’t know how I can even relate to other people. I could put a mental block between me and this topic, and never call myself queer or trans or anything like that ever again.

But - I DO choose to collect these parts of me, and spend the time holding them up to the light and squinting at them from every direction, to come to align them with these words. That is my choice.

I am the same person I always have been, I just get to choose now. I have the power and control.

Thank you for reading, if you got to the end! I love to know that my words are seen by other people.

[autumnoakes]

oh boy. i have not done this at all this year partly because a) i thought it was an art/creative challenge and i didn't have the mental capacity for it and b) i forgor 💀 so! i'm gonna do all of the days right now because. of reasons (the reason being that i have the energy right now right now) (by @autiebiographical )

autism plus - i think this is about comorbidities? i have an ADHD diagnosis and i'm working on an hEDS diagnosis as well. i'm also pretty sure i have OCD and anxiety in general tbh

infinite - i'm not too sure how to answer this one? sorry

audhd - THATS ME!!!!! it makes for some interesting times because i have and will eaten a food for weeks on end until getting physically sick of it or listened to the same song until i can't stand it or played the same video game until its boring (hello 800 hours in breath of the wild). usually if i take a break from it, then it gets better and i can enjoy it again.

music - music is actually one of my biggest stims! a lot of my life revolves around music. both sides of my family were/are musicians and i grew up surrounded by it. i'm always listening to music out in public. i really want to get back into it (i used to play violin before the pandemic but started working right as it started and ran out of time and motivation between work and school)

verbose - irl i'm not very articulate. i think sometimes i'm able to be over text where i can delete things and take time to think about what i'm going to say without it being awkward. in real life though, i'm always fumbling over my words and taking way too long trying to figure out how to form the words i want to say next. it's annoying :/

individuals - not too sure how to approach this one either? so loose interpretation. i know many other autistic people both online and irl, and we're all really different. sometimes i get along with them, sometimes i don't. same with allistic or neurotypical people.

neuroscope - i think when i saw this it was about being able to tell when others are also neurodiverse? i'm pretty good at this but i'm also really good at hiding my own neurodiversity (but getting worse at it actually). i know a lot of people who i watch and go "hm" (because people watching is something i enjoy /genuine) but i wouldn't tell someone out of the blue that i think they're autistic

non-speaking - i am fully verbal, and i live with two other autistic people. one is nonverbal and he is an important person in my life. my experience with life is very different though, so i don't have very much to say about this.

community - i've found that most of the autistic community, like a lot of disabled communities, are online which is great! however i do also think it has its drawbacks because the internet can be an echo chamber and i think there's a reason why a lot of people on tumblr especially are neurodiverse.

self-advocacy - oh boy, i'm still learning this. it's difficult to know when to stand up for yourself and how, let alone really draining. at least, for me it is. mostly because having to do so sparks deep anxiety and i find i just can't do it. i don't tell many people that i'm autistic at all

unlearning ableism - another one that's a long time work in progress. it's so difficult to unlearn ideas that you've been around your entire life and grew up learning, but it's necessary to create a welcoming community. i know a lot of people struggle with internalized ableism, myself included. although i have been able (been forced to, actually) take a step back from my responsibilities and focus on creating schedules that work for me instead of trying to do as much as possible all at once.

differently wired - yeah, my brain very much does work differently. i've had a lot of people (including other autistic people) think i'm weird and tell me so because i want to do something a certain way and i don't want to change it. i'm developing a theory that autism isn't JUST neurodevelopmental, but a lot more than that, considering the number of comorbidities that occur alongside autism.

vivid imaginations - i don't have maladaptive daydreams, but i daydream a lot. ironically, i also have aphantasia, so it kinda plays out as a book/audio recording with some vague shapes acting as the people. i love listening to music on the bus for this exact reason. i often daydream scenarios relating to a special interest or hyperfixation.

hyperfixations - SPEAKING OF. people who follow me will know i've been going feral about hades 2 for months and months (i love the narrative choices they've made with the main character, melinoë, and she's one of my favourite characters in general). i've also been hyperfixating on resident evil (games only) for almost 2 months now. i finished re4 remake last week and started playing re2 a couple days ago. re4 remake specifically is one of my favourite games because i love how they wrote the characters and i love the attention to detail in that game (i'm actually still playing it akdjskdn i got the DLC and i love playing as ada)

pebbling - i have an idea of what this means but i don't know if i do it?

autistic pride - i don't have a lot of it. i want to, but sometimes it's really difficult for me to find pride in being autistic. a lot of it is related to internalized ableism.

repetition - oh i am always repeating. i was told during my autism assessment that i always wear the same clothes which i never really thought i did before remembering that i wore basically the exact same outfit more days than not for like 2 years when i was a kid. same goes for food - i like eating familiar foods and meals and i don't like changing it up or trying new foods. i also do this thing where i repeat what i just said under my breath (pallilalia!) and people notice this but i've only gotten a handful of comments on it

self-regulating - i'm bad at regulating emotions actually or even identifying them sometimes. i've had it where i've gone from being really angry and just wanting people to face consequences for their actions -> having a meltdown. i can't often tell when a meltdown is coming and it's really embarrassing for me to have one.

comfort items - i have a lot of them. i always go out with two fidget toys in particular and my noise cancelling headphones. i have two necklaces i wear everywhere. i have a pile of stuffies on my bed.

executive dysfunction - mine takes the form of mostly being unable to finish tasks, being unable to switch between tasks, or being unable to stay on one task. i don't usually experience trouble starting a new task, but sometimes i do. it's the finishing tasks that's a big one for me because eventually i hit a point when i'm like "okay, i'll finish this later" and then i never go back to it. so i've been trying my best to do things in one sitting, but sometimes it's not possible. i once submitted a half-written essay for a class because i hit that point and i would have failed otherwise.

queer - my identity is hugely shaped by being autistic as i've come to realize. i'm aroace and bisexual, in that i don't experience sexual/romantic attraction, but i'm open to dating others (and maybe having sex with the right person), and i don't exactly have a preference for who i'd do it with. i also think people are pretty. i'm also aplspec, which is to say i'm on the aplatonic spectrum and don't really feel the desire to make new friends. i still have favourite people though. my gender is weird but recently it switched over to trans guy but like nonbinary about it (demiboy?)

disabled - since i'm in uni right now, i can't work. fortunately i live at home and have minimal to no costs despite being 23. it's hard for me to frame this as a necessity for me personally and not a luxury. if i worked, i would have to give up getting my degree. i also have chronic pain and fatigue, which makes it difficult to walk long distances. i do take the bus and don't drive, which helps me stay somewhat active. even if i did drive, without a job no one will give me a car loan, so i'd be in the same spot anyways.

synesthesia - i don't experience this

genetic - i have a lot of family members who are also autistic/ADHD. my assessor did a bit of a family tree about it. the two autistic people i live with are my cousins. i also have another cousin and an aunt who are autistic, and i heavily suspect my maternal grandmother is autistic or ADHD. my dad has ADHD too.

pets - i have none and i'm sad about it. i'd like to have a cat, but that makes rent go up i think, and i'm not sure if we're allowed pets here. my last house was a strict no pets zone. i grew up with cats though, and they make me happy. big dogs scare me quite a bit, even if they're chill and even though they seem to like me (i'll still give them affection. they didn't do anything wrong)

fidgeting - mmmm i do this all the time. my assessor for ADHD put me down as inattentive type because he didn't see me fidgeting much, but my leg was going under the table for the entire assessment and he couldn't see. i also have been unmasking and found out that i am more combined type/hyperactive than previously thought. i don't stay still in chairs very much. i always have a fidget toy on me, too.

stimming - see above. i'm always stimming pretty much. right now.... well i kinda am actually. i'm under my weighted blanket.

safe foods - i like to eat sandwiches and wraps a lot. sometimes i like meat, rice, and some kind of sauce. i have a lot of safe foods but also a lot of unsafe foods and it can sometimes be hard knowing what is and isn't safe. i've had many times when i thought i liked something and then didn't touch it or took hours to eat it (without doing something else and forgetting its there)

empathy - this is weird for me. i don't know where my empathy is. i think it's on the lower side, but sometimes i get just really upset over my friends being upset. i want to help a lot but mostly it's so the issue will go away. it took a lot of effort to stop constantly checking vent channels in search of someone i can help.

accommodations - i use accommodations in my education. i only got them about two years ago when i was diagnosed with ADHD. i could have some for a job too when i get one, but i only got those in august with my autism diagnosis, so i didn't have them for when i was working a couple of years ago.

sensory euphoria - i get this most when listening to music. a couple of weeks ago i put on the totk soundtrack to do work to and was listening to the colgera fight music and was just in BLISS for a solid 10 minutes. i was stimming so much and humming and it was an indescribable feeling listening to that music, especially when the dragon roost island motif comes in.

[vanillyanmocattio]

agere sensories - auditory (sounds)

seeking:

You can make spotify playlists, youtube playlists, or even make your own private folder with agere songs/asmrs on your phone! One things i love about the internet is how easy it is to find and download songs, use it to your advantage!

To movie loving or game loving littles, you can look up [insert media you're looking for] OST - Official Soundtrack. If you're looking for shows, OP is opening, if you want a longer version of a soundtrack you can look for an extended version, and game specific, if you like the instruments you hear in a certain game, you can look for a soundfont cover

There is a ton of musical and sound toys! Toy instruments, recorders, xylophones, kalimbas, kazoos, music boxes (god i love these)! There are also electronic toys, talking toys, dog toys (hi and love you pet regressors), bells, rattles (you can even make your own)!

For calmer noise seeking, search animal videos! What sound does a duck, or a fox make? Asmrs can also be satisfying, like toy unboxing or various tingly videos (be careful - not every asmr account is sfw!)

go outside if you feel like it! Even something as simple as rain can be stimulating, let alone visiting a park, a store or even arcades. Just remember about your limits and prepare yourself just in case.

You don't need to have stim toys to generate noise! Pen clicking, coins or keys jiggling, zippers, even your own voice, clicking your tongue, making animal sounds.. Having agere gear is great, but it doesn't mean you can't use what you already have!

Also, you can bird watch from your window! It really helps me slip into the little space, and listening to the pretty chirps is so nice! You could get a bird house and bird seeds over your window, and watch the little friends visit over the winter!

video games/phone games are very noise stimulating! especially rhythm games (like a dino, cough cough). The age range is also vast for them, from toddlers to teens to even adults! Did you know there's even a method of accessing flash games?

cartoons and anime are also stimulating! specifically targeted at the older audience (older kids/teens), they're a burst of sounds and colors! I think 2000s/2010s especially fit that energetic feeling, so does shōnen and magical girl genres! (Just check the age rating before starting!)

If you have friends who also age regress, meet up! a bunch of littles in one room WILL generate a lot of noise!

avoidant:

ear mufflers, headphones, ear phones, ear plugs. Protect your ears! It's completely normal, don't worry about it

visit places when the traffic is down, or within quiet hours (some places have it for autistic people, though as far as I can tell it often doesn't include lights so I didn't mentioned it in the visual avoidant)

museums! Libraries! Parks (out of regular hours)! forests!

whenever you're traveling, keep track of potential quiet spots

as much as i love my quiet time, please do not sacrifice sleep for it! You could get up early (6 AM, 7 AM) to still have quieter time, but your nini time is sacred!

visit places out of season (most often autumn/winter)! They sometimes are cheaper, and you get the benefit of not many people attending

give yourself a designated nap time. Turn off the noise, cover the windows, limit other sensories that give you discomfort, and take a rest (not necessarily a nap dw)

have someone to shield you from the noise. Maybe it's a companion plush, maybe It's a CG, maybe it's a friend. Having something to redirect your thoughts to in tough environments is a game changer! But it shouldn't be a replacement for other support

It's good to have a list of things you're okay or not okay with if you're sensory sensitive. Sometimes we get so excited that we forget our limits, and later get overwhelmed, and it's okay! However you may want to keep track of it to potentially limit your distress.

It's okay to retreat if things get too much. Age regression is your coping mechanism, and nobody else's, only you can dictate your boundaries. Stay safe <3

[joelsknees]

get to know me<3

tagged by @reddedmiller (hiiiiii)

what's the origin of your blog title?: I don't have one yet ahah I literally just made this blog (I've been on Tumblr on and off for like 10 years tho)

OTP(s) + shipname: it's always gonna be MSR for me. good god I love those lesbians

favorite color: it's been yellow for the longest time but lately certain shades of green are becoming a very close second!

favorite game: y'all are gonna hate me for this but im actually not a video game girlie. im gonna say scrabble

song stuck in your head: babydoll by ari abdul bc im in the planning stages of making a Joel edit for TikTok to this song (because well...he's my babydoll)

weirdest habit/trait?: probably the way I talk to my cats 💀

hobbies: video editing, photography, gif making, crocheting, and writing. I went a long time without writing and im finally getting back into it thanks to tlou and im very happy about it

if you work, what's your profession? I founded and run a nonprofit animal welfare organization! I don't earn income from that despite it being a full time job though so in addition I do odd jobs like petsitting and I also sell crafts and art.

if you could have any job you wish what would it be? I'm pretty happy (relatively) with what I do currently, but if I was ever going to do something else I'd either go to vet school or try to make a career out of my photography hobby

something you're good at: parallel parking (WHO WANT ME)

something you're bad at: taking care of myself unfortunately

something you love: hanging out with my best friend and my nieces + nephew!<3

something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: why you should spay your pets!!!!!!!!

something you hate: the public relations side of my job

something you collect: i collect thrifted trinkets and wall art and also cameras!

something you forget: literally everythingggg girl help (I have memory problems)

what's your love language?: im actually not sure bc every time I think I know something happens and im like no THIS is my love language. I am just a lover forever

favorite movie/show: of all time?? fringe or the x files or tlou

favorite food: right now I cant lie I am on a huge veggie stix kick....they are like hard drugs to me

favorite animal: cats lol can u tell

what were you like as a child? undiagnosed autistic

favorite subject at school? science fs

least favorite subject? in school I was actually not so bad at math but now that I have to use it all the time for work I am suddenly very bad at it so im gonna say math

what's your best character trait? I got jokes

what's your worst character trait? literally all I do is complain all da freakin time

if you could change any detail of your day right now what would it be? I would love for the sick cat im caring for rn to start getting better and stop scaring tf out of me!!!!

if you could travel in time who would you like to meet? I am too pussy to ever time travel bc what if I fuck something up and then im walking down the street and everybody's like ugh theres the bitch who fucked up the timeline. id be so embarrassed

recommend one of your favorite fanfics (spread the love!): here's one from my recent bookmarks because I can never pick favorites: confirmation bias by sporadicallyceaseless

I just remade a few days ago so I have like 3 mutuals and idk any of y'all yet so I dont wanna be annoying 😭 that said @littlegrungegirlaf @lavendercoloredglasses @hearteyesforjoel @joelsprettyprincess @weirdero @daydreamingmiller

[crescenthistory]

Hi lovely, congrats on 2k, it's so so well deserved 💖 can I ask for an interpret please? Please be aware that I'm about to ramble and probably give too much information because I don't know when to shut up.

First things first, my personality type is INFP, I am autistic, I am an only child who was raised by a single parent, who is also an only child so pretty lonely for us both. I grew up with very little money and still have minimal money, so expensive stuff stresses me out because even if I can afford it that month, it's hard to convince myself it's something I can do. I am mostly housebound, I make it outside about twice a week, but it's usually spent doing shopping or swimming (for physio), so I don't really get to socialise.

I dropped out of education during sixth form due to health issues but I had no interest in being there anyway, I was just resitting my English GCSE so I could get a basic job that I didn't care about while using my free time to become a published writer. My body had other plans.

I mostly write fanfiction, but I do have a in-progress interactive fiction queer romance game (all characters are some variant of bisexual, based on love island) that I've been working on for two years now and is a monster at 700k words so far. I am also working on a romance novel where the FMC is disabled (this probably doesn't surprise you).

For music, my top three artists are Taylor Swift, Lucy Spraggan and Ed Sheeran, and my current favourite song is Peter by Taylor Swift. My favourite movies tend to be the ones I grew up on, so Sister Act, Volcano, Gone In 60 Seconds, the Fast & Furious movies, the Harry Potters and Miss Congeniality. For TV, I watch a lot of Grey's Anatomy, 9-1-1 and Criminal Minds, but I'll watch anything that has way too many seasons as that means I don't have to pick something new for a while. I also prefer TV shows to movies since shows generally last longer before I have to pick something else.

I cannot think of anything else, which is probably a good thing because this is way too long already.

hahahah, hi my darling chan<33 i actually thoroughly enjoy your rambles, thank you for sharing with me 🫂 you're such a lovely individual and i really appreciate you<33 thank you for your kind words! this ended up being much longer on my end than i expected too, so this is proof that you get the same treatment back that you put out there lmao

✶・•・✦・•・✶・✶・•・✦・•・✶

i will INTERPRET for moons-and-mobility-aids

carina's 2k celebration

✶・•・✦・•・✶・✶・•・✦・•・✶

i think you and remus lupin would make a lovely couple!

your mindset towards relationships and life seems to be quite similar to the one i have, and what i value above all else in a relationship is understanding, communication and friendship – exactly what you would get from remus. of course he shares a deep understanding of loneliness, economic hardship and disability and will thus be able to get you more thoroughly from the get go, but even the parts of you he cannot relate to, he would go out of his way to learn more about. whether that be your autism or your passion for writing, he would look at you with his big kind eyes and try to learn everything. similarly, when he's in love with you, he would be truly invested in your projects and would happily hear all about or even assist you in your queer romance game. remus' primary love language is acts of service (partly because he thinks it's the only way for him to be worthy and partly because he loves helping his partners) and he would assure you that he enjoys taking care of you in whatever way you need that day. he would adore watching nostalgic tv shows with you as he engages in some of his own hobbies (knitting, puzzling, reading, etc.) or while he gives you massages.

though, i will also add that i think lily evans could be a wonderful partner for you!

for much of the same reasons as with remus, lily would feel a certain kindred connection with you that would infatuate her all the more with you. she's a passionate person who adores engaging others in their own passions, so she would happily trade rants back and forth about whatever artistic project the two of you are currently engaging in on your own. lily is somewhat of a homebody in my mind, but she also enjoys going to the shops and running errands, so it would be no burden for her to do that for you. she is also such a patient and empathetic person that i think could truly make you feel loved and seen.

(so if you're a poly!moonflower truther, you know what to do here)

[hazbinsponsoredbyvee]

Autism is not contagious. It's just something that you get stuck with the rest of your life. It's more likely your brain functions differently than anyone else's brain. You're used to your own routines like obsessions over things you really like as a kid, even as an adult. Some have a hard time with communication and can be socially awkward. They can also be misunderstood, probably a reason why autistics are more likely to get depression than anyone, and any part of your body can be pretty sensitive to shit like touch, hearing, sight, sense of smell, or taste. Some don't like loud noises, being touched, or you don't like certain smells. If your autism is severe, you would have a hard time, talking, sometimes walking or even going to the bathroom on your own. Some don't even crack a smile. Some usually take their time, pausing through their sentences. Autistics mostly think differently. Some are like Rain Man or the Good Doctor, but every autistic is different. Some can be very intelligent and would remember things right off the bat. I know this because I'm also on the spectrum to autism. I've been diagnosed with it since I was 3, but it's not really severe. I would remember certain things from what I learn in books, TV shows, movies, documentaries, certain birthdays, or dates like when we go and see a movie, etc. I did have a hard time communicating with others. It just took a few years to learn to come out of my shell more, even though I still can be socially awkward. I'm not always a big fan of change, since some autistics usually don't like changes around them, and I have multiple obsessions like Disney, Harry Potter, and Hazbin Hotel, obviously. I even have a love for animals as well. I find them very therapeutic along with drawing and crocheting. Making friends is a work in progress, but I'm learning to get better at it. I do get depression and anxiety at times, which I take medication for. Sometimes, when I'm not in a good mood, I go to a quiet place and sometimes isolate myself away from others. It usually will take a while until I can get past it. But anyway, before I keep going,

Lucifer, if you do have autism, I think you might be on the spectrum as well. Probably not as severe, but hopefully, this makes a lot of sense to you. May not be a lot to talk about because the list can go on, but this is the information I'm giving you.

"Oh, I mean, I know what autism is, and I know it's not contagious. I was just confused by the whole 'have autism' thing cause that makes it sound like it's something you could have sometimes and not have sometimes, and I know that's not right.... Huh, you know, I've never thought about it, but maybe I am autistic."

[compassionatereminders]

hi this is just a vent because i cant stop feeling bad about certain things its pretty disjointed. feel free to ignore. thank you for the space for this and the patience and kindness you consistently show. it feels isolating in disabled communities sometimes as someone who was medically neglected and falls into the margins of certain diagnoses and is still undiagnosed for autism and never received any official help, it was all off the books type stuff or i simply suffered/failed in silence. i feel like im not "anything" enough to be real or deserve help or community. that my existence is disrespectful or appropriative of the people who have more "real" experiences that should be listened to and lifted up more than me. that i got the "disability lite" experience somehow and would be misleading others if i claimed to be similar to them. "who needs more of some probably low support needs person ranting about their hurt little feelings, dont we have enough?" < evil thing my brain likes to tell me. i dont actually know what my support needs are its all very confusing and apparently only something a doctor can tell you. but i see people say that LSN level 1 autistics are always speaking over people and taking up too much space, and i get paranoid, am i doing that?! is that me? of course feeling this way just makes me more guilty. nobody has it easy, and you cant compare experiences. i know this. but i still feel like im not allowed. im taking something away from people who need it more. its not rational but im consumed by it at times. i had the difficulties of others used to guilt me into doing things as a child and to explain why i should be able to do something. have been dismissed by caregivers and doctors when i finally got brave enough and learned the right language to bring something up. so i just gave up. if i really needed it that badly, if it really was that disabling, someone would have noticed right? people like that dont just fall through the cracks do they? it's prevented me from seeking out local resources like day programs because they have waitlists, though they dont require diagnosis. all i can think is that im some ungrateful low support person whose taking something from someone who needs it more. and thats a horrible thought to have about myself or anyone and not a real thing that even happens. even a word to describe my experience feels like its asking for too much. i haven't even sought out SSI. even though ive never finished school or went to college, had a job, cant drive cant work, and only get by because i have very nice people in my life supporting me financially. i know how long it takes (im usa) to get on SSI. and how likely it is to get denied even with all the qualifiers above. how invasive and invalidating it is. dont know if i can take that process. but i also need more independence and help than im getting right now, because my issues are worsening as i age and i just cant do things or really live life. but it all feels like its not enough, even though i know theres nothing that WOULD ever be enough. thanks for listening.

This is internalized ableism in action. 1. All kinds of people fall through the cracks of the system. All kinds of people, with all kinds of disabilities, of all kinds of severities. 2. The idea that only the most impaired people deserve support and accommodations is far more harmful to ALL disabled people than the alternative. Disability is not a competition, and turning it into one hurts everyone. 2. Having low support needs doesn't equal having no support needs. And you clearly do have support needs that you deserve to have accommodated.

[pokemenlovingmen]

I've come on my hands and knees begging for some reader loving on some autistic submas, just a reader that loves these boys with all the quirks and hyper fixations included. A reader who understands the need to shake of that excess energy with some good hand flapping and loves to listen to hour long rants about the boys special interests (especially Ingo, that man WILL go on for hours if you let him, bb pls breath)

- 🐗 anon

PLEASE??? I need more positivity loving autism for autism, the good, the bad and the ugly. Sorry if these are a little short, I feel like a lot of headcanons here can overlap so I tried to find the specifics that I could.

Submas with male reader who loves their autistic traits!

Emmet

⚪ - He's happy you never force him to talk! Emmet goes nonverbal pretty frequently, not to say he doesn't want to talk. He wishes he was as verbose as his brother, because he does have a lot to say, but oh well. You always make him feel heard even if he isn't actually making any noise!

⚪ - If you live with him, things might be a little disorganized. He's more of a tactile stimmer and he'll do it with anything. If it isn't nailed down, he'll probably pick it up and start fiddling with it. Don't leave tools out. Usually he'll put those things down himself, though, shaking his head and saying "I am Emmet. And you need to keep this hammer away from me."

⚪ - You're all ears on the rare occasion he does talk a lot, which in a way only excites him more. He talks more and more the progressively more excited he gets and only gets more excited when he glances your way and sees you actually paying attention to him!

⚪ - If you are also an autistic or just generally stimmy person, you'll stim together! If he sees you stimming he'll start too. You're excited, why shouldn't he be, too?

⚪ - The number one most sympathetic person if you also go nv on him. He affords you every ounce of the kindness and respect you give him.

⚪ - He also just appreciates that you like him. Fact of the matter is, you really have to look a certain way, have certain interests, to be an autistic person afforded any respect and kindness. Emmet, and his brother too, neither of them are what people consider "cute" autistic people. He's a white-haired grown man in an elaborate costume with a cheshire smile and bizarre speech patterns. He expects not to be liked, expects not to be taken seriously, but you treat him as an equal and that matters. A lot.

⚪ - You never infantilize him and he's so grateful. Sometimes you need to slow things down in certain areas for him, or ask him to slow down in other spots, and you're always polite about it. You never speak for him, always ask first, and most importantly to Emmet, you never assume he doesn't understand things. He couldn't be happier with a man like you.

Ingo

⚫- You listen to him? You listen to him!! He talks so much, people often check out. But you listen! He's over the moon when you ask him questions about the subways or his favorite Pokemon he's been talking about, because that not only means you're listening, but that you're interested! Questions are his love language, strange as it is, but those tell him what he's saying to you matters.

⚫- He's more prone to external meltdowns than his brother. And you have his constant gratitude for never being embarrassed about him, you swiftly escort him out of places of high stress and are there as he decompresses.

⚫- Ingo is really thankful you don't have any expectations on him to react or even just emote certain ways. Pretty much all of the autistic flat effect got heaped on him and he's spent a lot of time, and I mean a lot of time, stressing about reacting the right way or feeling self conscious about how he's always frowning and people can't tell what he's thinking. But you know Ingo enough to know when he's happy even if his face doesn't say it.

⚫- I think generally he worries he embarrasses you, maybe with his behavior, or his looks, or the way he talks. That being said he always lights up when you reassure him of the contrary. Especially for someone who interacts with so many people on a day-to-day basis, he gets anxious that he looks unapproachable or even a bit ugly, so it means the world to him when you tell him you love his quirky little catlike frown, or the ways his eyes just shine when he's excited even if not much else changes facially.

⚫- Between him and his brother, I think Ingo concerned himself a lot more with masking. Both of them did it, of course, but Emmet is both more confident and he also has the image of "the happy one", so Ingo feels particularly self conscious about his stims. He doesn't do it often, even if you encourage him to relax a bit and not stress himself out about masking. He's masked for so long and so often he's almost ironed out stims from his life completely. That being said he does still stim occasionally, usually hand flapping, and he's glad you don't make a big deal out of it or draw attention to it. Ingo isn't sure he'll ever feel comfortable stimming like his brother can, but around you, it feels normal. And it's nice to feel normal.

⚫- He prefers it if you let him initiate touch, but also appreciates it when you lean into it and reciprocate. He just prefers to initiate, which he's glad you respect, because his touch-positive and touch-averse days come and go sort of at random.

⚫- Even better connections with him will form if some of your special interests overlap! He can indulge and rant for hours and hours and hours if you are there to enjoy his interests with him.